How to be a Housewife

1. You might think that the first step to being a housewife is to get married. This is not true. The first step is to get out of debt. You cannot be unemployed on purpose if you owe people money. Follow whatever method that you want and get out of debt. If this task seems hopeless to you, check out a Dave Ramsey book from the library and use his simple tools to climb your way out.

2. Start saving one full income. I am assuming that you already have a job. If you have a domestic partnership, aim to live off of one income. Set the income you plan to lose aside in a "Don't Touch This" account. If you have to touch it, you are not ready to quit your job. If you do not have a partner, set aside as much as you can, keeping in mind that every dollar you save is one less dollar you will have to work for in the future.

This method does two things: First, it helps you visualize your life with less income. You will have less to spend and your budget will be tighter. Second, it helps you build up a back-up savings for your future, jobless self. A savings helps take the fear out of having only one income and prepares you for disaster, such as your partner losing a job or replacing a roof. Or in our case rebuilding a leaky basement.

3. Don't quit yet! Make life changes now. Get married and use your paid holiday time for your honeymoon. Get pregnant or adopt. Work for your current employer and let them pay you during this change and during your maternity or adoption leave. At this point, budget carefully to ensure you can continue to survive on one income. If not, it isn't time to quit. Make sure you will have health insurance from a source outside of your job (either private insurance or spouse/partner's insurance.)

4. Try out staying at home first. Ask your employer if you can take an extended holiday. Some employers will let you take months of unpaid leave, while holding your position for you while you are gone. Many people use this time for missionary work, continuing education, or extended vacations such as hiking the Appalachian Trail. Get 6 months off is possible.

During this break, you can try out being a housewife. You can start to set up your homemaking schedule (which I will post about next week) and see if this is really the life you want. Some people may stop at this point. Some folks don't flourish at home; they may feel isolated and lonely, they may feel that they lack the creativity to be in charge of their day, they may find that they waste the time they have doing unproductive things, their partners may become resentful or disrespectful, they may simply miss their old work environment.

5 If you find that you flourish during your time at home and your financial and insurance needs are being met, go ahead and quit! Turn in your notice and bask in your freedom.

Hi there!

I'm BACK! I went to work for a few years and now I am home again. That means you get to read all about my great life here on this blog!

I am the easter bunny

I am the easter bunny.

This year, M asked for a Jungle in My Pocket (see letter and translation) , which we had seen once before at Target and she has become fixated on. I have been holding her off and anyway, "the Easter bunny will get it for you, I bet." (They are these tiny, cheap, cutesy animals with flocking on them to make them fuzzy and eventuallly grimy.)

So the Easter Bunny went to Target to get two very important things: the jungle in my pocket, and a bunny littlest pet shop for E. Ok. no bunny LPS! WTF? It is easter and I need a bunny! I even looked in the easter section where they had some LPSs but they were the inapplicable fish and octopus set. Again, WTF? when have octopusses ever represented spring? whatever, got a pony LPS instead. hopefully good enough.

On to the jungle. Easy! Last time I saw the Jungle in my pocket, there was ONE option. I don't know which one, just that there was one. in all of target, one. This time, there were five. frack. which one did she see? which one had she been fixated on? Which one had she cried about for an entire Saturday morning because E wanted to go hiking at Brown Farm, but M wanted to go to target to get this all important always on her mind toy? think think think, Easter Bunny. Think. ok. on said morning, when I pointed out that she had many small clay handmade animals, some of them being jungle animals she wailed, "but I don't have a _____________!!!!!!" a what a what????? ok. My response was "We could make one, we don't have clay and glaze, but we could make one out of sculpy." "You don't know how to make a rhii i i i nocerous!!" YES! GO MEMORY! THANK YOU!!! RHINOCEROUS!!! ok. so I got the pack with the rhinocerous and two other animals. please let this be the right one.



Out of courisoity, I later asked M which jungle she wanted and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "mom, there's only one." and would not elaborate. Then E went on to describe this jungle in my pocket wonderland that she had seen at her friend's house, which contained about 10 animals and a slide and playground for them. M said, "ooh. I want that one." great.

Anyway. It is 4:32. 3 hours til showtime. We shall see. hopefully if it isn't perfect, the chocolate can put them in a pleasure haze and they won't notice.

videos galore

More belly dancing videos available now at FlyingBosoms on YouTube. Get yours today!

YAY! A new video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tb8vN0IZzg

here you go folks, a viddy from the latest belly dancing performance. This was at the new Stuart Room at the YMCA. This is a mix of bhangra, rajasthani, tribal style, and made up junk. "Like cheap champagne, the Flying Bosoms are fun and bubbly and a promise a good time." enjoy.

sewing machine

Everything is ok. Pences fixed it that monday and now it sews beautifully.

My regular sewing machine isn't working, but I don't know why. Whatever.

I am so not happy and very regretful.

ug. Ok, I am not as bad as the title sounds, but I just spent one and half hours driving EACH WAY to buy a very expensive serger (sewing machine). I was SO EXCITED. SO HAPPY!!! and then I put a huge chunk of stretchy fabric through it, bent a needle and broke a little metal part. within 20 minutes of turning it on. WHY WHY WHY did I play with it after tha long car ride with the kids? grrr.... I should have wited until tomorrow when I was fresh and calm and had read the manual. grr.....

meanwhile my pants still don't fit.


and then I went to the store to get new lipstick and forgot the nakme of the color and then got roped into uying a different color AND another tube of foundation. I also couldn't remember the # of foundation I use, so she sold me some 2, which apparently was made for vampires. I am not that pale in real life. Or maybe I *am* that pale, after I mangle a brand new expensive much needed machine.

I think I am going to go drink my bottle of lambic....

yes.

tie dye weekend

its tie dye weekend and I am not as enthused as I usually am. First, Cori isn't here. That sucks. Secondly, it is kind of rainy and icky out. Third, I have not been inspired recently, but I bought a huge sleeveless dress for myself from Dharma and I feel like I should do something with it. Fourth (ly?), I am tired and need to pay bills and do more laundry. Does that last excuse mean that I am a grown up?


BUT Liz and I plan to do some freezer paper stenciling this year, so that is getting me fired up a bit. Plus there is a bluegrass festival going on in Newport, right down the road, PLUS Liz has agreed to ride her bike with me so I don't have to be creative all day. I hope I remember to pack my bike. Remember brain. Geez. What? Stupid brain.

I spent most of my day in a FREEZER organizing goat and rabbit serum. This might not sound like fun, but it was. I had my iPod with Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, Justin Timberlake, Coldplay, and Balkan Beat Box going. So when I was in the freezer I could sing at the top of my lungs and when I was out of the freezer, I could dance in the excessive floor space we have at work under the guise of "warming up". Plus my new favorite coworker came to help out a bit and also my regular favorite coworker chatted me up on many occasions and also danced with me in the excessive floor space.

AND I also got to organize stuff, which I think is incredibly fun and rewarding and I love it and will sleep better becasue of it. I can hardly wait to get back to work on Tuesday to have at it again and this time I will even get to apply the shiny new labels that previously mentioned new favorite coworker gave to me!!! YAY! LABELS!!!

In summary, I seem to get off more on organizing serum than on expressing my creativity through dye.

hmmm.

Shoudl I be worried?

In other news:
old news, but freeking awesome: former boss is no longer with teh company--this is also contributing to my inappropriate happiness at work

I have lost a bunch of weight and feel awesome and happy, even though my pants keep falling off. (Ask me to tell you the story of trying to field the softball and my pants falling down. I know that the summary sounds funny, but I assure you, the entire story is WAY funnier than you can imagine.)

My kids are in school, so I can work without guilt.

And the stupid goddamned thunderclouds are watching me again. this was the last week of our pool membership, so I packed a bag and put it in my car and I guess the stupid freeking clouds SAW me, because it rained all week and we never got to have a final HOORAH! at the pool and also crap I just forgot until now that I told maggie we could have a playdate with E and O and eat the rest of her birthday cake (in freezer). Shit. Well, I pretty much suck as a mom these days, so whatever.

yeah. I should start typing late at night again. Not that it is late, but I am tired so let's pretend it's late. (Meanwhile all my neighbors are just now heading out to start their evenings. I am LAME AND OLD and I enjoy singing in a walk in freezer.)

I love you all and hope you find your own bliss...

Muwah!

Three Theories on Why Mountain Lake is Dwindling

1. All the sand that they added to the beach over the years has settled into the underground springs and clogged them up.

2. As evidenced by the pools of tar I found, there are underground tar supplies that seep out and fill up the hole at the bottom of the lake. For some reason, probably global warming, the tar stopped oozing and now the hole is open.

3. When Patrick Swayze was filming Dirty Dancing, he left part of his soul in the lake. Now that he is battling for his life, the lake is also battling for its own. The only solution is for Patrick to die to release his soul completely and break the bond with the lake. Or get better and revitalize the lake through strengthening his soul.

What is your theory?

Creepy ass thunderclouds.

I swear the freeking thunderclouds know my plans. They listen to my thoughts. yesterday, I told the girls that we were going to go to the pool. And I came home and ate lunch and as soon as I told M, "hey go get my suit! Let's Go!" the freeking thunderclouds got together and said YEE HAW!! Let's ruin some plans!!!


THEN today. I finally finished unpacking and doing some laundry and thought (HERE IS MY MISTAKE) thought, hey, I should pick up the girls and then go to the pool. since it has been sunny and around EIGHTY all day.

Well look at the stupid radar:

Animate Map

Storm Tracks

Total Precipitation

Show Severe

Regional Radar

» A d v a n c e d R a d a r T y p e s C L I C K »

Zoom Map Click: Zoom In Zoom Out Pan Map (Full Zoom Out)

Yep. see the clouds? THEY ARE TRACKING MY THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!

Beach Travelogue

The following occured, but not in the order listed. This is just my train of thought:

Stayed near kitty hawk in a pink house: MUTUAL FUN #237

http://www.southernshores.com/rentals/property/237

Nice veiw of the ocean. Off of the main road.

Went to Jockey's Ridge dunes for fun. Bought kites from Kitty hawk kites, went kayaking in Nags head on the sound side. Got two tandem kayaks and took the girls around for about and hour and a half. Drove down to Bodie Island and looked at the light house. Found a camp ground in the dunes. Went up the Currituck lighthouse. C and I rode our bikes up past Corolla and back. Drove as north as I could without going on the beach (tempting!!). Worried about the rats, since no one was given the job to feed them. Ate at Sugar Creek. Food sucked except for the crab cakes. The view was great though. Watched my uncle dale get married at the Roanoke Island Aquarium. Good idea. Danced in front of the shark tank all night. Went back to kitty hawk kites. Bought a trick kite (MINE!!!) and had LOTS of fun flying it erratically on the dunes. bought a straw cowgirl hat on the way home so that I can be cool like Jess. Walked on the beach a lot and found some shells, but nothing spectacular.Got a tan/burn on my belly FINALLY by floating around in the pool on a full length floaty. Heaven. Especially with my husband telling me how sexy I looked the whole time. And spent time with the kids reading, walking, kiting, kayaking, catching crabs, hugging, loving.

And since this was a reunion, I got to spend a lot of time with my mother's family, who I don't see much (last time was at my wedding, and that wasn't everyone). It was fun to see the kids all meet each other and like each other and beg to play together. Good to see my Grandma and Uncle Don, who are spry and fun despite being old as dirt. But the best part was listening to my aunt Judie try and try to talk in a hick accent and instead hitting about every accent in the US. She was switching from Massachusetts to southern black back to michigan faster than a pissed off diablo changes colors. All at top volume. It was a hoot.

new hobby

So I learned to knit today and it is ALL PENELOPE'S FAULT!!! She took me to Mosaic to "help her find some nice sock yarn" and ended up picking out needles and yarn for ME and then promptly took me home and sat me down. It felt dirty and wrong, to be giving in to her desires, but I did it anyway.

Since I am smarter than everyone else, I learned quickly and now I am sitting at my computer at 4 am seeing if I can make my scarf more interesting. Considering the loud and clashing-colored yarn that I picked, I think I want to keep the pattern pretty plain. But I am thinking about purling a few rows here and there to give it a nice box look. Windowpane? I don't know what it is called.

Curse you, Penelope. The soft feel of wool between my fingers; the surprise of new colors as I knit along; the never-ending possibilities of pattern and size; the potential to make mathematical models and fake fruit. Curse you.

And just in case you think I am being harsh, I want to post an excerpt from Penelope's blog to PROVE that this was all premeditated:

"[We] are going to Mosaic Yarn Shop where you will inhale yarn fumes and look at pretty colors and pick out exactly what you want. You might ask why I'm insisting on this. Well, it's because I really think that at some point you will break down and start playing with yarn like the rest of us, and if inhaling the yarn fumes helps move that process along, then it is worth all of the harassment."

Please note the the guise of the trip was for me to go to the shop with her so that I could pick out yarn FOR HER to make socks for me.

monster in my shirt

So I was laying on the couch, getting all comfy to read my book, when this THING comes out of my shirt and stabs me in the neck. What the hell.

This is why I am now going to go shopping for some new bras.

Virtual Hafla

Here you go, readers-of-my-blog, your very own personal virtual hafla right in in your computer. Watch and be amazed. Yes. That is me. It was a couple of weekends ago. Yes, I do like my hands, thank you. Cori told me a long time ago that they were nice, so I thought I would use them in my show. And yes, my hair is short. I am still trying to grow it out. Lou Reed. Uh-huh. The one with the banana on it. Yeah, good album. mm-hmm.

my parents

Here are pictures on my parents now. I hope I still know how to have fun when I am old.

http://tourdefloyd.swva.net/2007/robert.html

http://tourdefloyd.swva.net/2007/beth.html

wonderful trip

Happy Easta'!

While the girls are off getting high on peeps, I thought I would do a little trip report.

We just got back from DC. We left Thursday morning and got to the hotel around 1. They let us check in, so we dumped all of our stuff and sent to the nearby Metro station. We got $12 on a pass for each of us and headed to the Smithsonian stop. ON the way, E caught sight of the Washington monument. (that was the whole reason for the trip) and a few other landmarks. When we got off at the Mall, we headed to the Natural History Museum. We looked at mammals, then dinosaurs, then RAN to the bathroom int eh back of the cultures section. We stopped by the gem shop, where E and M got their first souvenirs. M got a collection of unfinished gems. E got an agate necklace. Then we all got kicked out because the place was closing.

So we headed back tot eh hotel and had a nice little dinner at a nearby restaurant. I had the avocado turkey burger with a salad bar. They had a great salad of apples, cranberries, and cream. yum. M had french fries. I don't know what the others had.

My feet hurt and I was tired. We went back to the hotel and waited for survivor to come on. It didn't. We should have gone to the pool, but we were all tired and we were reading books and laying around. so the girls got ready for bed and Craig and I stayed up and watched Lost.

end of day one!

now I have to go eat chocolate. So I will post this and leave the bare itinerary here. I will edit the post later to tell you more. Consider this an unedited trailer!

Day 2:
art museum
carosel
lunch at native american museum
aira nd space
gem section
wash monument
back to hotel
sefood buffet
sleeeeppppp

Da 3:
bike shop
pbj in parking lot
dulles musum 4 hours
german restraunt
home
sleeeeeeeppppppp

observations:
bogus bag checks
sweeping staris closed off.
museum the same
bad mother
getting lost
spenidn g money
metro rocks.

To further your visualization

To further your visualization of our awesome power, M has drawn a picture for you:

what we look like

To help you visualize how awesome we look, here is a pic that C took on our first family expedition. Notice the pure speed and power! Zoom! Take that, Lance!

Oh YEAH!

hello everybody!

I am still here. I haven't been writing because I haven't been feeling funny. I am still not feeling funny, but I do want to brag. So here I am!

I just rode my bike (with M) from my house to the CRC and back! It is spring break, so i wan't afraid of the roads like I usually am. So we did some road riding and some trail riding and we pretty much rock. It took 45 minutes to get there and 30 minutes to get back. We went the LOOOOONG way to get there though (to the libray and up the huck). To get back, we took southgate to duckpond to the golf course.

I would still be afraid to do it if the students were here, but I am feeling a lot more comfortable on the road. Having a side view mirror and a big freeking gaudy flag help a lot too. And also M being cute helps a lot becaseu people don't want to squish her.

Soooo.... This is good. If I still have my job in the summer, I think I could ride out there every day!

Here is a phone pic of me all sweaty and happy after the ride (i.e. now)


UPDATE: according to google maps and my clicking ability, we went 5 miles out and 4.2 miles back. and also if there was a freeking road beteen our culdesac and the stupid frat houses, it would be alomost a mile shorter even still. oh well. so how fast was that? not very...


thank you for reading the good stuff. Now for the crappola stuff. My job has been sucking a lot lately. I don't really want to get into it, but if you pray or send good energy or whatever, I would really like any help regarding patience and kindness. I really need to be extra strong in these virtues rgith now and I am really struggling. Thanks!

it was a...

it was an AeroGarden!!!!!

http://www.aerogrow.com/

I will be harvesting my own organic herbs is about a month. Neato!!