At the party last night, my wonderful admirable friend Molly set out two cans. Both had burning candles in them. One was labeled "things to let go of" the other was labeled "aspirations for 2008". We were asked to write things on a slip of paper to let go of or to aspire to and then burn them in the appropriate candle.
I didn't let go of anything. This year has been a little different than other years: Close friends moved away, I started a job outside of the home, my daughter has bounced around many different care situations... But there was nothing I could look back on and think "this was a mistake" or "I wish I hadn't done that" Each bad thing has tauht me something new about myself or my frineds or my family. Really the only things I could come up with were letting go of the regret of losing years worth of emails when my computer crashed and the ruination of a beautiful pece of art that maggie did when she was aobut 1 year old. So hey, that is not bad, huh?
Does that make me boring?
I have a million things to be thankful for. And I appreicitate so much. And even the things that I don't really like right now are teaching me so much. So what would my aspirations be?
Again, it was hard to think of. I feel like I am alread in the middle of so many transistions that I have already set aspirations without even thinking about it. I aspire to be the best i can at my job. I aspire to maintatin imporant aspects of my full time motherhood, such as be kind and caring to my kids and provide my family with a clean home and good food. I aspire to maintain contact witht he people I love who are no longer a regular part of my life.
So what did I write down? well, I want to remember to visit the old people in my life more, and ask them to tell me stories. Because old people don't move away. They die. And you don't get another chance to love them and hear them. (When i was young, my mother would bring a tape recorder with us to visit and old friend, Gyspy Gay Boothe, or Granny Boothe. She told stories of the Titanic sinking, the first car she ever saw, all of her husbands and most of her children dying, having no friends left, how people wore their hair, horses, politics of old, and so many other things. She was 102 when she died, which was some time in the late 1990's. So it was interesteing to hear on a personal level and on a historical level. I still have some tapes, though i haven't listened to them in ages.) So i would like to visit and hear and see and love all the old women of my family. I want to hear about their babies and husbands and gardens and clothes. I want to hear the story of ruth ann riding down the grain and losing her shoes with her brother.
And what was the other aspiration? I forgot. Wait! No, I remember. I want to approach each day positively. i want to take a moment each morning to allow some light in, to uplift my spirit and approach the day ready. I refuse to grumble into work. Hopefully an offshoot of this aspiration will be that I am more productive and more fun to be around.
I could have listed a bunch of other things such as:
eat less junk,
excersie every day
never yell at the kids
always be nice to husband
But I know that I can't keep those promises and I don't want to feel regretful about anything new, so i ddni't make those promises. Hopefully they will just come on thier own.
Well, now I am off to go spend my shiny new $50 gift certificate to bed bath and beyond. I will probalby be too afraid to spoend it all in one chunk and will come home with a $4 kitchen gadget, but it will be fun to daydream anyway. M is coming with me, so it should be a good time!